Sunday, December 27, 2009

i have the coolest friends!

as i watched her examine the creature, touching every inch of it with her eyes and her hands, i could see the wheels spinning in her head, she was intrigued. next, they handed her the cutest little kitten, of which she was practically mauling, literally dissecting it in her mind. i'm not sure if she noticed, but i did... they appeared a bit over protective if not down right territorial of their little creations as she held them in her possession.

it was then that i realized, i have the coolest friends. i mean here i was, crashing this movie production meeting because she let me tag along. sure, it was just an indie film, and yeah it was a short and so what if stop motion production isn't my favorite genre - this little indie stop motion short was gonna be in twenty-five festivals, including cannes! and here i was...

had i drifted off.. wait a minute, what were they saying? they were gonna do what... light that cute little kitten on fire!?! i should have seen this coming - i mean, the name of the film is after all, "ticket to hell".

it is at times like this that i am reassured in the knowledge that i live my life by divine appointment, because if not, i may be somewhat concerned about our new little project here that was turning innocent little felines into flaming infernos...even so i was feeling as if i should retrace the steps in my mind that had brought us to this place and ask myself some necessary questions...

why had i impulsively signed us up to go to a show biz expo in l.a. without even asking her if she wanted to go... why had she insisted at the last minute that we actually go... why had i registered her as a painter... why had she run after that young director and complimented her when she had never even seen her work... and yes it was odd that the only production person this particular director needed on her next project was a faux finisher; a painter.

this was divine appointment. so why was i questioning? i obviously needed to go over this some more in my mind...

it was friday, as i sat putting on my make-up and willing the day to be productive i distinctly heard "you are going to l.a." and so i waited...
monday morning, 7:30 a.m. the phone rang "she sent me an email, wants to have a production meeting this week, what day is good?"
wednesday morning we were on our way to l.a.

there was the ride up - well, let's just say i am always amazed at my friend's patience levels - because it was this particular day, this particular car ride that i conjured up my latest theory:
'one answer, if known, would expose secrets of global proportions'.
now what the question is, i will not divulge, nor as of yet do i know the whole answer... but i would like to point out that i am generally not given to conspiracy theories, but for reasons unbeknownst to me, this particular day they were taking center stage in my mind, even compelling me as it were.

and now...
with that particular day behind me, i am still feeling compelled, and what's more i have had time; time to think, time to ponder, time to do more research, if you will, on the global answer i seek... and now more than ever i am thoroughly convinced that there really is one question and quite possibly only one very unsettling answer.
and it it is to this end i have come to a decision, a decision which implies that this one answer is, in fact, much bigger than me and much bigger than you - therefore leaving me to conclude that it requires us.
thus i cannot stand alone any longer, i must reach out and enlist more power, more human prayer power that is - because, as naive as it sounds, i do not believe this one answer is bigger than God - and i am utterly convinced that: God + us = the whole answer - and so begins a new journey, the journey of the traveling prayer journal.

and as for the movie...

Monday, December 14, 2009

sit, walk, stand - watchman nee is genius!

the illusion of warfare is broken
i am now free
free to stand
stand in the victory
the victory that has already been won

"put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes."

ephesians 6:11

i now recognize that i need only to
hold my ground
ground that comes with a promise
a promise from the conqueror
the conqueror of all that is unseen.

"faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen"
hebrews 11:1

Friday, December 4, 2009

the protectors

"he is a protector, he is there to lift up your house when khomeini comes through."

it was almost a year ago when i first saw him. we were in our living room singing worship and praying. and the vision, though hard to describe, was clear...

"he may be an angel, i mean he didn't look like an angel, not that i know what all angels look like, i mean, well he he looked more like the green giant or that mr. clean guy" i heard myself saying. "you know really big with that stern stance, straddling my home like it was one of those little monopoly houses." this wasn't easy.
but, she got it, she totally got it or at least i thought she did, then she asked, "is he facing east or west?"
well this one i was sure of, "he is facing east".
"hmm... facing east... like from washington dc" she said offhandedly... and then there was silence.
"he is a protector, he is there to lift up your house when khomeini comes through." was all she said. i heard it, but what did it mean? khomeini, who's khomeini? lift up my house?
"that's all i know" she was done and i had so many questions.

a month or so later
"hello" she answered the phone.
"i have another one" was all i said.
i heard a chuckle as she replied, "he's much shorter?"
i was taken back "how did you know?"
she laughed, "i don't really, what's this one doing?"
"he is short, yet hulkish with his arms stretched wide open across the length of my front yard fence and he is facing the east as well."
"girl! what are you into?! what are you doing that you need so much protection?" she exclaimed half question, yet half statement.

it was a question that i only had half of an answer to.
it was a statement that i would have to process and gather more data to truly understand
it was a foreshadowing of the next chapter in the book of my life.

the variable

perched upon the invisible precipice above the abyss i experience the nothingness to the depth of my being
it is...
so vast
so dark
so cold
...void of life, yet eerily full of something.

chills run up my spine...
if there is nothing tangible in this place,
what is that presence?

it is the constant.
a constant with no true identity of it's own apart from the variable.
this very thought is transforming.

for years, in my mind, i have witnessed this truth in reverse.
i forced that variable into a box,
a box created for the sole purpose of holding it hostage.
was it self destructive?
quite possibly so...

but, i now know the truth
and the truth sets me free!

free to understand that life is measured by the variable.
free to see
the light that brightens the darkness.
and to feel
the heat that warms the cold.
free to be enveloped by the substance of His love.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009


what i see in the natural is a short, round, smiling rabbi - but what i see in the spirit is more powerful than i have ever encountered. first, there is the cloud of the glory of God that is over them, he and his wife, 24/7 and then there is the fortress that surrounds and fortifies them, but there is something else, something so powerful that makes me drop to my knees in awe. wow, i think this could be something huge and i just may be blessed enough to be a part of it...

i was in the ladies room, checking my makeup in the mirror when i clearly heard the question; "will you do warfare for him?" "heck yeah" i answered without a second of hesitation. and with that the warrior at my right prepared to draw his sword - it was surreal - what was i thinking, i don't do's just not my thing, i mean... not that i have "a thing"... and that's when i noticed them - yes, they were new! three new hosts to my left... is the one in the middle a cloaker?

"he's a keeper" she said - "you know like a keeper of secrets, like the secrets of life" i have no idea what she is talking about -"ok" she continues "God knew us before we were formed in our mothers womb, so that means He creates that thing that makes us...well, us somewhere else. and that somewhere else holds the secrets to life. and in this physical life there are those that still hold these secrets and they keep them until it is the right place and time to disclose them. oh and another thing, these keepers are very powerful warriors."

powerful warriors, then why would he need me? considering warfare isn't one of my fortes to begin with...once again, hmm...

as for the revelation i received in the shower yesterday - as i prayed for her, i also prayed for her husband only to hear that they were 'keepers' also - now i know this could not be true, i know that only she is a 'keeper' and not her husband as well - so... i question it, only to hear "they are one" and to my amazement i saw a glimpse of how God sees married couples - to Him they really are one! it's as simple and yet as complicated as just that! maybe that's why opposites attract? i don't know. hmm...

but i do know that there are two keepers and they are both jewish, is there a correlation - i'm just not sure... i think that i would like to make a documentary on the 'the global plight of jewish people today'. and i also believe that if christianity is really a 'body' then it is missing it's heart and strength by not incorporating the messianic jews.

so much to ponder... and so much more to come...